KABUL — The notorious terrorist organization ISIS has claimed responsibility for an algae attack that has disrupted the beautiful blue color of the Reflecting Pool.
An ISIS spokesman released a statement today stating that the group was behind the infiltration of the pool by algae, turning the radiant blue water an unsightly off-green hue.
"You have now seen the carnage we are capable of," said ISIS spokesman Ali Kandrahar. "Look how gross that green color is. Nasty. We have brought the Reflecting Pool to its knees, and this is only but a taste of what we have in store for the Great Satan. Praise to Allah!"
The Pentagon has warned that it will hunt down and destroy those responsible for the heinous attack. "We will find the terrorists responsible for this disgusting algae and bring them to justice," said Secretary of War Pete Hegseth. "America does not take these sorts of attacks lying down. Gone are the days when you could make our pool green and get away with it. We're coming for you, ISIS."
At publishing time, Trump had called off the military and negotiated to give ISIS $10 billion and their own pool.
Rumors swirl about the current condition of Senator Mitch McConnell, but his staff have come out to say that even if he were dead he will still be able to finish his term.
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