Emotionally Needy App Constantly Begging For Affirmation
Tech · Mar 10, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

BADGER FALLS, IA — Local smartphone user Beth Rodgers was seen sighing in frustration as the app she had been using flashed another pop-up insecurely asking if she loved it.

The app, according to sources, is "incredibly needy and insecure," constantly asking users, "Do you like me?" and "Hey... are you having a good time using me?" and even notifying users if they haven't opened it in a while, like an annoying friend who starts texting you when you haven't gone out for coffee in three days.

"If I'd have known how needy the app was, I wouldn't have started this relationship in the first place," said Rodgers as her finger hovered over the cancel button. "I DO love the app, but not that much. Incessantly asking for five-star validation is so unattractive."

The app, called Splendaia, helps users with their personal finances and also uses AI to shop for car tires and mosquito repellant, a burgeoning market with a flurry of competitors backed by Big Tech money. Tech reviewers have called the app a "must-have" for anyone looking to get the most out of their smartphone experience.

App relationship experts say it's understandable for an app to put so much effort into checking in on a relationship it may lose at any moment. "But," say experts, "it doesn't make it any less annoying."


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