Worldviews
Incoming Planned Parenthood President Confirms She Has Acquired Final Infinity Stone

NEW YORK, NY—Well, this isn’t good.

Planned Parenthood’s incoming president Dr. Leana Wen just confirmed in an interview that she has acquired the final Infinity Stone, the last piece of her plan to utilize the Infinity Gauntlet to wipe out millions of babies across the universe.

“Aborting babies does put a smile on my face,” she said in the whimsical video announcing her new position with the abortion provider, a video in which the Infinity Gauntlet is clearly visible on a shelf behind her. “They can dread it, they can run from it—well, actually they can’t because they’re society’s most vulnerable group—but destiny still arrives.”

Wen has an impressive resume, having traveled across the galaxy aborting millions on what some are calling a “mad quest” for population control. “These planets were all on the brink of collapse. I’m the one who stopped that. You know what’s happened since then? People have been able to murder their children in order to live a more convenient, comfortable life. It’s a real paradise.”

At publishing time, she had begun staring out the window thoughtfully, calling the abortion of thousands of babies each and every year “a small price to pay for salvation.”