SEATTLE - Edmina Romanov fasted all day so she wouldn't have to worry about calories at her friend's Communist-themed party, but it was all for naught because no food was offered at the authentic commie get-together.
"Yeah, yeah, I've got egg on my face," said Romanov. "I mean not really. I wish I did. I'm so hungry."
"But think of the weight you will lose, comrade!" joked the party's host, Larry Bolshevik. "Come! Let us play 'Arrest the Lienz Cossack.'"
Another guest of the party, Natasha Summers, didn't understand why Romanov was so upset. "There's plenty of food if you know where to look for it," she said. "I found a perfectly good dog in the backyard."
According to sources, there was some bread earlier in the evening, but Romanov arrived fashionably late and missed out on the morsel.
Though admittedly disappointed, Romanov is planning to go to next month's Communist gathering since they promised there will be food this time. "A true Communist party hasn't been thrown yet," she said.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
