WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Trump is taking no chances with an impeachment inquiry looming, as he was recently seen destroying all evidence he is the current president of the United States.
"To impeach the president, they first have to prove you're president," advised Trump's lawyer, Rudy Giuliani. "If they can't do that, you get off scot-free!"
"Brilliant!" Trump responded, throwing MAGA hats into the White House fireplace. He then burned the official certificate marking him as the 45th president of the United States. He also deleted his Twitter account and burned all his phones.
The strategy may be working, as in the confusion, police ended up grabbing the popular vote winner of 2016, Hillary Clinton, and dragging her off to be impeached while Trump stood by, yelling, "Lock her up!"
There are some worries that Trump could now be charged with obstruction of justice, but Giuliani has a strategy for that as well. "You can't be charged with obstruction of justice if they can't prove there's any justice to obstruct." Trump was last seen burning all evidence justice exists in the U.S.