Politics
In Effort To Shake Off Abuse Allegations, Marilyn Manson Runs For Office As A Democrat

LOS ANGELES, CA—Plagued by accusations that he's a serial abuser and overall degenerate psycho, singer-songwriter Brian Warner, also known as Marilyn Manson, is working to shake off those accusations by running for office as a Democrat politician.

"The music and movie industry have canceled me," said Manson, "so I'm moving on to the only place my depraved behavior is still accepted: Congress!"

Manson added: "As a proud Democrat politician, I am now automatically a champion of women's rights. And if you don't vote for me you're a misogynist who hates women."

Democrats in Congress celebrated Manson's miraculous rehabilitation and are welcoming him with open arms to Washington D.C.

"Mr. Manson is one of the finest and most upstanding men of character I have ever met," said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. "He loves fighting for the poor and for women's rights. The accusations against him are obviously a slanderous attempt by bigoted, misogynist Republicans who want to smear this angelic champion of women."

Brian Warner will be running in the next primary against Adam Schiff in California's 28th Congressional District. He is polling very well in all demographics except for the demographic of women he kept chained in his house against their will. 

Upon his announcement of running for office as a progressive, the Nobel Committee nominated him for a Peace Prize. 

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