INDIANAPOLIS, IN — Former Vice President Mike Pence has ended his Presidential campaign, in what polling shows to have been the most popular move of his entire Presidential Campaign.
"Polling is through the roof on this move," said former campaign manager Dean Ross. "We finally found the one thing Pence can do that literally one-hundred percent of Americans support -- quit."
Mr. Pence's campaign failed to gain traction, largely due to everything Mr. Pence said and did being extremely unpopular with voters. "Pence spent the campaign presenting himself as a veteran of the D.C. swamp who would continue sending billions of taxpayer dollars to Ukraine," said political analyst Stephen Dunning. "I'm not sure if Pence hasn't, like, seen a poll in the past decade -- or spoken to a single Republican voter? But that's not really going to work these days."
The announcement today of Pence suspending his campaign has finally seen a huge wave of favorability for the Pence campaign. "This is easily the best day of polling we've had," said Mr. Ross. "People are going crazy for this decision. You can just feel the support."
At publishing time, Mr. Pence had made another unbelievably popular move in announcing that he would not seek to join any ticket as Vice President.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
