WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a shocking overnight vote held by the House of Representatives, the QAnon Shaman, aka "The Buffalo Guy" has received the majority of votes required to become Speaker of the House.
"I mean, at this point, why not?" said Representative Chip Roy. "Maybe we need a guy like this to shake things up."
After being informed in prison of his surprise election, Buffalo Guy released a statement, saying: "Aw yeah! F---in' A, man! Let's do this thing! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Several Republicans and Democrats in Congress expressed heartbreak over the new Speaker. "He isn't qualified," said Congressman Dan Crenshaw. "He doesn't even know any lobbyists! Pathetic!" Crenshaw then put on his giant squeaky red shoes and ran out of the building sobbing.
Police then released Buffalo Guy and escorted the new leader of Congress to his new office at the Capitol, at which point he lit up a bong and defecated on the desk.
Several Americans polled said they are glad to see the office of Speaker being finally given all the respect it deserves.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.