U.S. — Border Czar Tom Homan announced on Friday that ICE would be withdrawing from Minneapolis in a strategic move to instead focus on enforcing laws in American cities.
After weeks of aggressive operations in Minnesota cities, the decision was made that focusing on policing illegal immigration would be more beneficial if it were conducted in U.S. territory.
"We did important work in Minneapolis, but it's time we focused on immigration enforcement in America," Homan said. "Honestly, we had no real jurisdiction up there, since it's not part of the United States."
ICE descended upon the war-torn foreign city of Minneapolis in early December as part of Operation Metro Surge, targeting at-large criminals who were believed to be involved in significant fraud and other illegal activities. However, their work was hampered by the fact that anyone they deported from Minneapolis was sent back into their home territory of Minneapolis.
When asked why ICE was involved in raids in a foreign city, Homan clarified that it was really cold and quickly changed the subject.
Where is ICE headed next? According to acting director Todd Lyons, somewhere warm. "Southern California has a ton of illegal aliens. We should really focus our attention there," he said. "Probably close to the beach."
At publishing time, a team of ICE agents was spotted swarming a Southern California In-N-Out.
Protect yourself from the modern day gestapo!
