HUNTSVILLE, AL — Local man Matt McKay recited Philippians 4:13 several times this morning while standing over a straight two-foot putt for triple bogey.
"All things. ALL THINGS!" repeated McKay as he focused in on every blade of grass. "Nothing is impossible!!"
According to sources, McKay had up to that pivotal putt played the round of his life, losing only eleven balls in the first seven holes. "I've never hit my irons this well in my life. It's like an out-of-body experience," explained McKay, recounting his round. "I've had three iron shots get airborne, like several feet off the ground. When I chunk it, I'm still advancing the ball thirty yards. And when I bladed it into a nearby home, it ricocheted off the bricks and came back into the fairway. It feels like a dream."
With the best score of his life in sight, McKay drove it into the trees on the eighteenth, then hit a 7-iron into a tree, then duffed a hybrid onto the cart path. "Nailed it! I'm just a hundred yards out for par!" whispered McKay excitedly. Two chunked irons and a putt later, McKay found himself staring down a two-foot triple bogey, the chance for golf glory within his grasp.
At publishing time, witnesses reported that McKay did indeed sink the putt, then watched as his four-year-old sank a five-footer to beat him by twelve strokes.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
