WASHINTON, DC — Kamala Harris explained this week that the extraordinarily high turnover in her staff is due to people just not being able to handle the sheer amounts of joy she exudes in her office.
"They quit because they are literally overdosing on joy," Harris explained. "Almost no one on earth can stand being around this much joy for more than a few weeks. It's my cross to bear."
Despite her proclamations, anonymous reports have surfaced that Harris actually has a tendency to be viciously hostile and impossible to work with. "That's just how some people describe joy," explained Harris. "It's so much joy, they don't even know how to express it. There is just this giant ball of overwhelming joy and it creates a joyful work environment full of joyous joy. Some people's brains don't know how to handle it."
However, former Kamala staffer Carol Eggerton explained there is more to the story. "I quit because she screamed for twenty minutes like a demon because she thought I didn't get a second pump of cream in her coffee," said Eggerton. "I'll never forget when she hurled that scorching hot latte in my face and hollered ‘THIS DOES NOT BRING ME JOY YOU MONKEY-FACED HALFWIT!'"
As of publishing time, Kamala's staff turnover rate had risen to 97% because of a recent increase in joy.
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