ONTARIO, CA — In a stunning display of patience and self-control, local husband, Mark Elgin, endured an excruciating evening as he watched his beloved wife, Sarah, repeatedly send her Mario character plummeting into the same lava pit 597 consecutive times.
The couple's living room turned into a battleground, as Sarah's shrill cries of frustration filled the air. Mark, a man of seemingly limitless tolerance, shook under the strain of fighting back the urge to shout, "Just jump a little to the left!" Instead, he remained a stoic pillar of support, providing a silent shoulder to cry on for his distraught spouse.
The room echoed with the sounds of Mario's heartrending cries as he met his fiery demise once again and again. With each failed attempt, Sarah's grip on the controller tightened, as if she could somehow will Mario to success through sheer force of will. Neighboring households reported hearing faint strains of the "Game Over" music drifting through their walls. As the hours stretched on, Mark contemplated the meaning of existence and pondered the futility of human endeavors as he silently mused, "Is it possible to find purpose in an endless cycle of virtual lava deaths?"
Finally, at the 598th attempt, Sarah's persistence paid off, and Mario successfully leaped over the lava pit, emerging unscathed. The room erupted with a mixture of jubilant cheers and relieved sobs.
At publishing, Mark's resilience was being hailed as an inspiration to spouses everywhere who must endure the unending torture of watching their wives be awful at playing video games.
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