DALLAS, TX — Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban woke up this morning incredibly hungover and hoping he didn't do anything dumb last night, like maybe trade away his franchise player for a pair of shoes.
"Man, I hope I didn't do anything really stupid last night," said Cuban, downing ibuprofen. "Hm, wonder why I have so many missed calls from Luka? And what's the deal with all these calls from L.A.?"
Though his memory was foggy from a heavy night of drinking, Cuban began to remember several concerning snapshots, such as coaches saying "That is the dumbest idea in history" and "You just traded our star player for a guy with arthritis."
"Must have been a weird dream," chuckled Cuban. "Maybe I called and teased Luka about a trade. I gotta lay off the whiskey. Ha, can you imagine if I gave away Luka?"
At publishing time, Cuban had again woken up hungover, hoping that he hadn't done anything else weird like dress as a lesbian to travel around stumping for an imbecilic politician.
Senator Mitch McConnell isn't doing too many interviews these days, but The Babylon Bee's Travis got the opportunity to sit down with the man, the myth, and the legend himself.
