DALLAS, TX — Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban woke up this morning incredibly hungover and hoping he didn't do anything dumb last night, like maybe trade away his franchise player for a pair of shoes.
"Man, I hope I didn't do anything really stupid last night," said Cuban, downing ibuprofen. "Hm, wonder why I have so many missed calls from Luka? And what's the deal with all these calls from L.A.?"
Though his memory was foggy from a heavy night of drinking, Cuban began to remember several concerning snapshots, such as coaches saying "That is the dumbest idea in history" and "You just traded our star player for a guy with arthritis."
"Must have been a weird dream," chuckled Cuban. "Maybe I called and teased Luka about a trade. I gotta lay off the whiskey. Ha, can you imagine if I gave away Luka?"
At publishing time, Cuban had again woken up hungover, hoping that he hadn't done anything else weird like dress as a lesbian to travel around stumping for an imbecilic politician.
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