WASHINGTON, D.C. — House Republicans have been awarded their very first Emmy award for outstanding performance in acting like runaway government spending makes them sad.
"I'm so humbled to be receiving this prestigious award," said a giddy Kevin McCarthy, holding the golden statue aloft. "This award belongs to all of us--every Republican who has gone on Fox News to complain about the national debt or give impassioned C-Span speeches to an empty House floor to convince the American people they care about this stuff, your acting really paid off."
"Lastly, I would like to thank God, who gave me such great acting ability." McCarthy then shed a single real tear without even faking.
Sources say the national debt is now over $31 trillion and still climbing, as it has under Republican and Democrat administrations for decades. Economics experts are hoping the debt will continue to climb uninhibited until money and numbers are meaningless and we're all futuristic space communists who don't use money, like in Star Trek.
Republicans will reportedly celebrate the Emmy win by raising the debt ceiling this week.
At publishing time, Democrats had been awarded their 27th Emmy for acting like they care about the people being taxed.
Kyle Mann was just minding his own business, when- BOOP! A wild Gender Fairy appeared!