Cotton Candy Vendor Patiently Waits For Most Important Play Of Game To Stand Right In Front Of You
Sports · May 21, 2023 ·

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Cotton candy vendor Rowan Milton patiently bided his time until the most important play of the game before positioning himself squarely in front of all the fans in section 207.

"Two outs, two on - this is the big moment! It's go time," said Mr. Milton, leaping into action. "Did someone say cotton candy??"

The fans of section 207 immediately leaped to their feet, futilely trying to see over Mr. Milton's towering cotton candy edifice. "Whoa, looks like a lot of people excited about cotton candy!" shouted Mr. Milton. "Easy with the cursing big guy, one order at a time! Pink or blue??"

A piercing crack of the bat then rang throughout the stadium, leaving the fans of 207 desperate to find out what was happening. "Where's the ball? Are those good screams or bad??" shouted Dave Coleman, scrambling for a view. "Why now, cotton candy man? Why???"

At publishing time, Mr. Milton had offered to remove the view obstruction for the nominal cost of someone purchasing the entire tray of cotton candy.

Their culture is not your costume. DO NOT appropriate ghost, zombie, or vampire culture this Halloween.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction


There are 129 comments on this article.

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.