SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Cotton candy vendor Rowan Milton patiently bided his time until the most important play of the game before positioning himself squarely in front of all the fans in section 207.
"Two outs, two on - this is the big moment! It's go time," said Mr. Milton, leaping into action. "Did someone say cotton candy??"
The fans of section 207 immediately leaped to their feet, futilely trying to see over Mr. Milton's towering cotton candy edifice. "Whoa, looks like a lot of people excited about cotton candy!" shouted Mr. Milton. "Easy with the cursing big guy, one order at a time! Pink or blue??"
A piercing crack of the bat then rang throughout the stadium, leaving the fans of 207 desperate to find out what was happening. "Where's the ball? Are those good screams or bad??" shouted Dave Coleman, scrambling for a view. "Why now, cotton candy man? Why???"
At publishing time, Mr. Milton had offered to remove the view obstruction for the nominal cost of someone purchasing the entire tray of cotton candy.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
