SEATTLE, WA - Move aside, small-church pastors in the greater Seattle area! A hot new megachurch is hitting the city, and it's being helmed by a rising star in the Christian celebrity world: Spanish-American preacher Marco Driscolito, a formerly little-known pastor who's gaining popularity for his "en fuego" sermons and masculine demeanor.

The new megachurch, Iglesia de la Colina de Marte, is trying an exciting multi-campus approach where congregants hear Driscolito preach engaging, dynamic, fiery sermons on large projector screens across Seattle.

"Hola, Seattle!" Driscolito said in one of his first sermons delivered this past Sunday. "I have never met any of you before. You don't know me. I don't know you. I have no sordid past or skeletons in my closet of any kind. I am just happy to be here teaching you, the people de Dios, this Sunday. Now, let's open up the Word of God -- we call it the Biblioteca where I am from -- and kick Satan's burro!"

Driscolito then preached an hour-long sermon where he basically just screamed at everyone for not being enough of a "macho hombre."

At publishing time, Driscolito had been suspended by church elders for punching a congregant, spending millions of pesos to promote his own book using church funds, and plagiarizing his speech from The Three Amigos.