HOLLYWOOD, CA—A panel of Hollywood elites issued a statement Tuesday reassuring the American public that the entertainment industry will continue claiming that conservatives are the ones who hate women, despite its own prominent, far-left members currently being embroiled in multiple sexual scandals against females which seem to permeate industry-wide.
While many have grown concerned that liberal celebrities would lose the moral high ground in the midst of the ongoing sexual assault and harassment scandals rocking the industry, a team of Hollywood producers, directors, and actors confidently confirmed they would continue to virtue signal and shame anyone who disagrees with them.
“Don’t worry—the second the Weinstein scandal fades from the news cycle, it’ll be business as usual here in Tinseltown,” Matt Damon told reporters, speaking on behalf of the industry. “We plan on hitting Republicans, the religious right, and conservatives as hard as ever, despite our obvious hypocrisy.”
“This whole Weinstein business hasn’t slowed us down one bit,” Ben Affleck, speaking alongside Damon, assured the public.
They further relayed Hollywood’s plans to keep on employing language like “anti-women,” “sexist,” “the war on women,” and “the right hates women,” when referring to social conservatives’ differing opinions on abortion and health care, despite the recent revelation that wealthy, powerful, vocally liberal members in the upper echelons of Hollywood culture have been objectifying, bribing, blackmailing, and assaulting women for years with widespread complicity in the industry, while at the same time painting themselves as champions of women’s rights, sources confirmed.