NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK — Despite The History Channel's long catalog of serious historical inquiry, documentaries constructed from primary source accounts, and interviews with alien enthusiasts, viewers fear the channel's credibility may be at risk after the channel's recent decision to platform guest whose "fringe views" include that the pyramids were built by slaves rather than alien lasers or interdimensional magnet quasar waves.
"I will resign my post if these outlandish and embarrassing claims are allowed to tarnish our channel's sterling reputation for historical seriousness," raged Ancient Astronaut Theorist Giorgio A. Tsoukalos in an executive leadership meeting, according to sources. "I have had it with our enterprise becoming a laughingstock by platforming these cranks – either he walks or I walk!"
Despite being well outside the scholarly consensus, the channel is expected to allow the minority view to maintain a presence on the channel just to keep things fresh. Executive Vice President and Head of Programming Eli Lehrer has reaffirmed the channel's commitment to platform "even the most foolish, debased, and intellectually bankrupt views – like the pyramids being built by humans rather than as a series of quasar power generators for aliens trying to escape home – if only to better debunk such balderdash."
At publishing time, the embattled channel issued an apology for platforming a "Bible scholar" who doesn't even believe Jesus had an affair with Mary Magdalene or cite The Da Vinci Code.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
