WASHINGTON, D.C. — A special ceremony was scheduled to be held today to mark the historic occasion, as for the first time in history, the United States Supreme Court has five female justices.
The five female justices — Elena Kagan, Sonia Sotomayor, Ketanji Brown Jackson, Amy Coney Barrett, and John Roberts — were expected to all be in attendance for the event on the front steps of the Supreme Court building this afternoon to celebrate their achievement.
"It's humbling and exciting to be a part of this group," Chief Justice Roberts said in a statement. "While the court has been graced by several strong women over the years, this is the first time there have been five of us sitting on the court at the same time. Having a female majority on the Supreme Court is an amazing accomplishment. We did it, ladies!"
Historians agreed that the female majority was a true milestone for the court, opening the door for many landmark decisions. "It will be interesting to see where this leads the country," said Professor Harold Benson, who has studied both the Supreme Court and women for many years. "We've heard rumors that the court may rule in favor of the death penalty in cases where toilet seats are left up. The male justices on the court simply won't have enough votes to strike it down."
At publishing time, in a long-awaited Supreme Court ruling, despite insiders believing them to be mad about something, the five female justices issued a joint opinion that simply read, "It's fine."
