MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Local factory worker Hector Flintstock has been working hard, following the law, saving money, and paying taxes for 50 years, and is finally able to achieve his lifelong retirement dream of funding a fraudulent Somali daycare center.
"Yessir, I've been workin' my tail off my whole life. I reckon I've sent about 2 million of my hard-earned dollars to the government," said Flintstock with a satisfied smile. "Today, I just learned that's enough to fund a fake daycare run by Somali scammers for about 10 months. I've been dreaming of this my whole life. I couldn't be prouder."
Somali migrants who run the Center For Tiching Kidz Stuf thanked Flinstock for his lifetime of faithful service. "The money will be put to good use," said Cabdiqaadir Nuur Maxamed Faarax, the teacher, superintendent, bus driver, and janitor at the daycare. "We will be purchasing ammunition for Al-Shabaab to slaughter infidels in the glorious land of Somalia. Allahu Akbar, and death to the Great Satan America. Thank you."
I'm just glad my years of honest labor made some difference," said Flintstock to reporters.
At publishing time, Democrats in Minnesota had voted to raise taxes to fund 12,000 new daycare centers in the area.
Our top-performing sketches of 2025!
