CLAREMONT, CA — Theologians at the Claremont School of Theology put forward additional evidence that God has a sense of humor by pointing out that 1 out of every 20 pistachios tastes like flaming hot garbage.
"The joke is that anyone who enjoys pistachios is always guaranteed to encounter a couple of pistachios that make them want to throw up," explained Dr. Lyle Barry, the faculty's chief Calvinist. "They're sitting on the couch, enjoying their snack — and then bam! They are instantly repulsed by the very thing they were enjoying."
According to sources, "The Pistachio Joke" also serves as evidence for intelligent design. Experts say that — without fail — every twentieth pistachio tastes like a dead mouse, which can only mean that God's divine hand is on the pistachio industry.
At publishing time, atheists have suggested a loving God would never make a bad pistachio.
In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: