CLAREMONT, CA — Theologians at the Claremont School of Theology put forward additional evidence that God has a sense of humor by pointing out that 1 out of every 20 pistachios tastes like flaming hot garbage.

"The joke is that anyone who enjoys pistachios is always guaranteed to encounter a couple of pistachios that make them want to throw up," explained Dr. Lyle Barry, the faculty's chief Calvinist. "They're sitting on the couch, enjoying their snack — and then bam! They are instantly repulsed by the very thing they were enjoying."

"Hilarious!"

According to sources, "The Pistachio Joke" also serves as evidence for intelligent design. Experts say that — without fail — every twentieth pistachio tastes like a dead mouse, which can only mean that God's divine hand is on the pistachio industry.

At publishing time, atheists have suggested a loving God would never make a bad pistachio.

When guns are finally banned in the coming utopia, you may still need to defend yourself on the rare occasion.