CHICAGO, IL — Authorities are advising citizens to avoid secluded alleyways due to reports of a suspicious individual wearing a trench coat who allegedly tries to sell people Red Dye No. 40, a known contraband.
According to police reports, the suspect primarily approaches grocery shoppers and small children, guaranteeing them vibrant reds for a hundred bucks a pop.
"Psst! Hey, kid, you want any Red 40? I've got loads," the suspect reportedly said during one such incident as he opened his trench coat to reveal his supply of the illegal substance. "It'll make your Fruit Loops red again."
The suspect has been described as a caucasian with brown hair and blue eyes. He has been seen wearing a black trench coat and somehow looks ruggedly handsome. He reportedly answers to the name "Toucan Sam."
"Follow your nose, this Red No. 40 is legit," the suspect reportedly said as he confronted a single mother carrying a bag of groceries. "Its link to cancer has not been definitively proven."
If you, or someone you know, has information relating to "Toucan Sam" please contact the authorities immediately.
At publishing time, the D.A.R.E (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) program has added Red Dye No. 40 to the list of controlled substances teens need to watch out for.
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