HOUSTON, TX — A woman suffered a medical emergency during a Kamala Harris rally, fortuitously just as a dozen doctors were arriving on a nearby stage. The abortionists raced to the woman's side, then proceeded to crush her skull and rip her apart limb by limb.
"Wow. Absolute heroes!" said Harris from the stage, as the crowd roared with approval. "This dismembered corpse reminds us what it looks like to have women's rights, to have women's healthcare! This is what Donald Trump and the Republicans want to take away from us."
According to sources, onlookers witnessed the woman suddenly fall to the ground and lose consciousness. As luck would have it, members of the crowd began shouting for a doctor just as the abortionists were walking on stage. "If we hadn't taken immediate action, it's possible the woman could have lived," said abortionist Dr. Lacy Ray. "It was touch and go at first, but we were able to damage her brain and cause enough blood loss so that her heart stopped. My perfect streak of all of my patients dying remains intact."
The adoring crowd cheered for the abortionists, who then received a surprise call from Michelle Obama thanking them for their great work. "What a beautiful picture of women having charge over their own bodies," said Obama, surveying the shredded human remains. "This is the America we want for our wives and daughters. When you men out there go into that voting booth, do the right thing to defend the women in your life. Vote to let doctors butcher and dismember millions more people, just like you saw here tonight."
At publishing time, a man experiencing chest pain at a Kamala rally had desperately asked if there were any doctors around who didn't murder all their patients.
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