Here Is A Terrifying List Of Biden's First Executive Orders As President

We knew it was coming, but it still stings. From his very first minute in office, Biden wasted no time in undoing American greatness with a stroke of his pen. We still have 4 years left. God help us all. Here is a list of the executive orders Biden signed on day 1: 

  • Canceling the Keystone XL pipeline - From now on, all our oil must be purchased from ISIS.
  • All jobs that Trump created are now illegal - We can't have our jobs tainted with white supremacy. Don't worry, you'll get your stimulus check. 
  • Every family home must now have a transgender bathroom - Also, every family will be required to have at least one transgender child.
  • Tear down the entire border wall - Everyone can now come and go whenever they want. The kids in the cages have to stay though. Pure evil. 
  • Arrest Donald Trump on one count of being Donald Trump - Also calls for the arrest of 75 million people for accessory to being Donald Trump. 
  • Homeschooling now outlawed - All children must now be indoctrinated from 6 months old by a professional Marxist.
  • Anyone who mispronounces "Kamala" will be thrown in prison - Like a common pot smoker.
  • All guns must be converted to shoot only NERF bullets - Much safer that way. Could save millions of lives. 
  • Metamucil is now a human right - As is prune juice and naptime. 
  • Gyms must now encourage body positivity and serve free pizza - Just like Planet Fitness.
  • Extra stimulus check to whoever reports a Trump donor - Do your duty!
  • Emergency federal aid to all people whose first name is "Hunter" and whose last name is "Biden" - Doesn't seem fair. 
  • Misgendering someone will now be punished with death by firing squad - Deadnaming someone will get you an even worse punishment.
  • Calling an unnecessary meeting at work now punishable by 15 years in Gitmo - Actually, we're OK with this one. Come to think of it, maybe Biden is the greatest president ever. 

Either way, it looks like we're in for a long 4 years. 

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