HATTIESBURG, MS — Local man Don Richardson revealed himself to be utterly dead inside after failing to shed a single tear while the congregation of First Baptist Church sang "O Holy Night".

"Given the circumstance, it's hard to say if Don is now, or ever was, human," said fellow congregant Chad McMath. "I mean, 'Long lay the world in sin and error pining, till He appeared and the soul felt its worth'. It's too much, man."

The spirit of every other man, woman and child stirred inside while they proclaimed the breaking of a new and glorious morn, betraying the unmoved Richardson as a heartless ghoul. "Maybe he's deaf," wondered pew mate Stan Hillner. "He's either deaf, or a serial killer. I really hope he's deaf."

Praise rang forth from the congregation over the King of Kings laid in a lowly manger, born to be our friend in every trial. As other worshippers wept through the declaration of brotherhood with the slave, whose chains Christ will break, it became steadily more apparent that Richardson was some sort of soulless creature of the netherworld.

"That's just not natural," declared Pastor Rob Patterson after the service. "Better call the Catholic church down the street to come see about an exorcism."

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