GAZA — The tables were turned on the infamous terrorist organization today, with horrified Hamas agreeing to a full and unconditional surrender to Israel if Europe would agree to take Greta Thunberg back.
The well-known left-wing activist was said to be en route to Gaza by sea to make her presence felt in peace negotiations between the two warring sides, leaving Hamas scrambling to do whatever was necessary to stave off her arrival.
"Please, don't let this happen! We will do whatever it takes to keep her away," said Hamas spokesterrorist Abu Muhammed Zahir. "While we have a reputation for perpetrating violent and ruthless acts against our enemies, sending Greta Thunberg here is far beyond any definition of cruel and unusual punishment. We offer Israel our total surrender if Europe agrees to have this wretched harpy turn her ship around and go back to wherever she came from. Thank you, and death to Israel and America."
European officials declined to comment on the details of any negotiations with Hamas but did express strong reluctance to allow Thunberg to return to the continent. "No, that's not an option," said spokeseuropean Jürgen Bürgen. "We finally had the opportunity to get her on board a ship bound for international waters. It is our intent to prevent her from ever coming back. We got rid of her. We wish the residents of Gaza the best when Greta makes it to shore. May God be merciful."
At publishing time, Hamas had reportedly not received any response to its desperate pleas to other Arab nations to come defend them from Thunberg.
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