CINCINNATI, OH—Local car-owner Dave Phillips finally spent an entire afternoon cleaning out his car, which is definitely the beginning of him finally getting his crap together for once in his life.
According to witnesses, Phillips emptied all the fast-food bags, gym socks, and dirt before washing and waxing the outside of his car as well. He then stepped back to look at his work and reflect on the fact that nothing would ever be the same again.
"This really feels like a new beginning for me," he said, breathing deeply and inhaling the new air freshener smell. "This is the day I start having a clean car, making my bed and going to the gym every day, performing at work, and really start winning at life!"
Unfortunately, the man's plans were thwarted when he realized he was really hungry for pizza and that his favorite show was on that night.
"Oh well-- I deserve a break after working so hard," he said.