DALLAS—The world fell silent this week as high-school graduate Paxton Smith imparted her vast wisdom gained from over 18 years of being alive on an awestruck crowd.
"I was going to share some funny stories and life lessons from my senior year in high school, but I realized I had something more important to say," she said as the crowd inched closer to glean a bit of transcendent knowledge from the young teen. "Abortion is totally cool and Republicans want to stop it. That's a violation of my personal right to kill my baby. Not cool, Republicans!"
The crowd leapt to its feet and cheered. Many in the crowd could be seen weeping, having witnessed such incredible courage and wisdom from one so young. "I had never really thought of it that way before!" said one parent who attended the graduation. "My thinking has been changed forever!"
In an interview with CNN, Smith said she drew on her 4 years of experience being indoctrinated by leftist teachers and mass media as well as that one pregnancy scare she had that led her to kill her child for the sake of her future career.
"My lived experience has made me what I am today," she said. "I'm glad I've been given a platform to share my wisdom with girls who will come after me."
Millions of aborted babies could not be reached for comment.