SHAWNEE, KS — On the heels of the band's new release of a thrashing version of the classic Christmas hymn "O Come, O Come Emmanuel," a local grandma wondered why Skillet couldn't just make nice, pretty songs riddled with false doctrine like normal Christian bands.
Donna Whitaker, 74, found herself confused this week after the popular Christian rock band Skillet released a cover of the beloved holiday song and asked her family why the band couldn't just do what other Christian music acts do and pump out a bunch of heretical slop.
"What's this theologically correct stuff assaulting my ears?" Whitaker said. "Nobody listens to Christian music to hear sound doctrine. We just want nice, pretty little songs that are catchy despite being rife with errant teaching. Why can't Skillet just do things the way all those bands on K-Love do them?"
Whitaker's family members attempted to console her. "She was pretty disappointed," said her son, Daniel. "She's getting up there in years, and you know how it is. She's set in her ways. She just wants to sit and listen to overly-produced Christian pop with lyrics that bear little to no resemblance to anything you find in the Bible. She doesn't think that should be too much to ask. It would just really put her at ease if Skillet would just throw her a pleasant-sounding, theologically flawed bone every once in a while."
At publishing time, Whitaker had successfully soothed her frustration by settling in to binge-listen to her favorite Hillsong albums.
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