U.S. — Fox News has scored exclusive TV rights for what many are already calling the debate of the century. The political bloodbath will pit Gavin Newsom, governor of the state people are fleeing from in terror, against Ron DeSantis, governor of the state people are fleeing to.
Political commentator Sean Hannity expressed disbelief the two had agreed to match wits. "It's such an unfair fight. Newsom is single-handedly responsible for a mass exodus out of California, and he wants to debate the guy they are leaving him for?" he said. "It was supposed to be a joke! I didn't think anyone would agree to it!"
DeSantis is reportedly excited to debate his West Coast nemesis. "I'm here to chew bubble gum and debate policy, and I'm all out of bubble gum," said DeSantis dorkily.
Though questions are officially concealed until the night of the debate, experts expect topics to include: freedom, sunshine, and why there are no more UHaul trucks available in California anymore.
At publishing time, Gov. Newsom had begun preparing for the upcoming debate by standing in front of the mirror and practicing hiding his forked lizard tongue behind his teeth.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
