TOLEDO, OH — Local weatherman Glen Dickson gleefully informed CBS 11 viewers that a giant storm was heading their way and that it was likely to kill everyone in its path.
Viewers reported that Dickson appeared to barely keep hold of his composure as he excitedly informed everyone of their imminent deaths.
"I don't want to sound too jazzed about this, but MAN OH MAN," Dickson all but shouted on-air. "This is what I went to weather school for, moments just like this. I mean, it's probably gonna kill a lot of people, but will you look at the size of this thing! Massive blue mass moving right over the city can only mean one thing, and that's the storm of the century! It's gonna be great!"
Dickson reported that the storm was closing in quickly on the area, but urged residents not to panic over the thought that they would soon be dead.
"Don't despair! This system will only kill several hundred people, tops, and it's going to be so cool to watch it roll through," he continued. "It's probably the storm of our lifetime, and I can't believe it's happening on my watch! What fun!"
Dickson predicted the storm system to move in rapidly and cause immense chaos on the roads. Viewers were slightly disturbed by the gleam in his eyes as he reported the news, with some saying they could have sworn they saw him bouncing up and down with excitement.
At publishing time, the storm had been downgraded to "non-lethal," to Dickson's great disappointment.
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