Ginsburg: ‘I Am Mentally Fit Enough To Serve Through The End Of President Eisenhower’s Term’

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Dispelling rumors that the Supreme Court Justice could be retiring soon, Ruth Bader Ginsburg told reporters that she is “mentally fit enough to serve through the end of President Dwight D. Eisenhower’s term in office.”

She made the comments just after her second morning nap, telling the press “not to worry” about her mental state.

“I can wait out that old Republican bat,” she said, grinning. “I’m not gonna sit around and let Eisenhower pick a terrible Supreme Court nominee like Earl Warren to replace me. No, siree. I’ll wait until one of the Kennedys finally runs for office so we’ll get a solid, left-wing judge in my place.”

Ginsburg also stated that she would continue to judge impartially on all pressing topics confronting the nation, such as the Cold War, segregation in schools, and the Red Scare.

At publishing time, a rambling Ginsburg had also stated she would not be resigning her post as Princess Frostine of the great kingdom of Candy Land “any time soon.”