BURBANK, CA - Disney has apologized to Gina Carano and rehired her after she announced today that she identifies as a problematic, abusive, toxic male director.
"I'm not a Republican actress -- I'm actually a toxic, abusive, gaslighting director of many popular shows and films over the years," Carano said. "I am finally ready to come out of the closet and live my truth."
Disney's response was immediate, as the company profusely apologized and hired her back.
"We are so sorry to Ms. Carano for firing her -- we did not realize she was actually a sexually abusive male director trapped in a woman's body," said a Disney spokesperson. "We applaud her for coming to terms with her true identity and choosing to live her brave new life as a studio executive who does problematic things to women all the time without any repercussions."
Immediately after the announcement, she was rehired and put in charge of the entire Marvel franchise.