NEW YORK, NY—After the Ghislaine Maxwell trial began in Manhattan, the judge chosen for the trial disappeared under mysterious circumstances. In his place, a brand new judge named Billslav Clintonovich has been brought in to preside over the case.
"Order to court," said Clintonovich as he sat down and twirled his mustache. "I have been chosen to be judge in trial! Yay! Good for me!" he said in what sounded like a Russian mixed with a southern accent. "We get dis over quickly. Maybe two or three day."
The prosecuting lawyers pointed out that the new judge looked and sounded kind of like Bill Clinton. They then went to the bathroom during recess and never returned.
"I see nothing wrong here," said Clintonovich after hearing the opening statements. "I declare mistrial. Miss Maxwell seem like nice lady. She do nothing wrong. We go to lunch now. Lunch at Hooters. Great wings there."
After the trial finished in record time, media descended on the courthouse to ask questions to Ghislaine Maxwell, only to find she had also gone to the bathroom and never returned.
Gregory Ilinovich loves murdering people with illegal guns - so he's a bit concerned about all these new gun regulations. Luckily, he tends not to follow laws anyway.