WILLIAMSTOWN, KY - The Ark Encounter in Williamstown, Kentucky appears to be your run-of-the-mill full-scale replica of the biblical ark, complete with dioramas of antediluvian gladiators fighting velociraptors. Nothing out of the ordinary so far, right?
But behind the scenes, Ken Ham was working on a secret project to bring back dinosaurs. Having obtained dino DNA from a 6,000-year-old mosquito preserved in amber, Ham and his team of scientists managed to clone the extinct creatures. His plan was to open Antediluvian Park, a theme park adjacent to the Ark Encounter where visitors could see dinosaurs from thousands of years ago.
Unfortunately, it all went wrong when a competing creationist museum sent in a spy to try to steal Ham's dino DNA. Through a comedy of errors, the spy somehow managed to deactivate the security features around the park, sending the dinosaurs rampaging throughout the land, all in just 2 hours and 7 minutes.
"Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should," said a horrified Eric Hovind, who was visiting the park to consult with Ham on his blunder.
But this whole story has a happy ending: as the roaring beasts stampeded out of the park, they actually began to cohabitate peacefully with humans. One boy looked at his cup of water and saw it rippling, realizing with horror that a giant monster was approaching. Looking up, he saw a T-Rex. But it only wanted to play football with him.
In another town in Kentucky, a man was using a restroom in a park when a T-Rex ripped off the roof of the building, handed him some extra toilet paper, and carefully put the roof back on.
"It's just as I suspected!" said Ken Ham. "Life, uh, finds a way."