Op-Ed
Op-Ed: To Convince The Unvaccinated, We Need To Scream At Them That They're Brainwashed Morons And We Hope They Die

President Joe Biden has failed to meet his vaccination goals. There are several reasons for this. Facebook. FOX News. Climate change, maybe. Despite this, we have to convince the people who aren’t vaccinated to get the shot. So how do you convince someone to go against a deeply held belief? It’s hard to say, but I know how I want to convince someone: screaming at them how dumb they are until they change their ways. Thus I’ve decided that’s the best way to persuade people.

If we are to save everyone from this pandemic, we have to find all the people who aren’t vaccinated and scream at them as loudly and as angrily as we can. Remember: The louder and angrier you are, the more right you sound and the more likely you are to convince people.

And that means you also can’t show any doubt. I don’t care if all your knowledge comes from some article you only half-read or something that just popped into your head and seems right to you; you shout that with absolute religious certainty.

“COVID is spreading worse than ever!”

“The delta variant is twenty times as deadly!”

“If you don’t get vaccinated today, five hundred million kids will die tomorrow!”

And here’s the essential part: Make sure the people you are screaming at know that you hate them. If there is one thing that can convince people to change their ways, it’s that they don’t want to be hated by angry people ignorantly screaming at them. They want to be friends with those people.

So get out there, scream at the unvaccinated, and maybe together we can convince them all. And even if we don’t, at least we got to scream at people we hate.

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