LOS ANGELES, CA — During its annual shareholder meeting, Electronic Arts CEO Andrew Wilson announced that their video game about fake people living fake lives would now allow fake genders in a fantasy world devoid of real consequences.
"We're proud to announce that The Sims 4 will receive a new update for transgenders, omnigenders — and all the rest of those new fake ones the kids are using now. Now gamers can take their self-expression to the next level by bringing their real-life drama into our fake-life world where we can properly monetize it."
Shareholders were reportedly pleased to discover fake genders would cost players five dollars each. Or, for a limited time, players could invest in an all-inclusive "Rainbow Package" that includes all genders for a premium price of $99.99.
Shares in Electronic Arts surged 243 points in response to the news.
"In addition, we're proud to announce that while Maxis Europe continues to support The Sims 4, our team in Redwood Shores has begun development on The Sims 5, which we expect to be twice as gay. It will take advantage of the latest advances in Artificial Intelligence to generate realistic postoperative depression for trans-Sims for players who select the gender-affirming aspiration."
"For fun," Wilson insisted.
At publishing time, all versions of The Sims have been discontinued in response to negative feedback from fans who claim the series perpetuates bigotry since all sims are still born male or female.
In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: