WASHINGTON, DC — According to several sources, CNN has reached out to President Joe Biden for a consultation on how to make up stories and still escape being branded as deceptive.
"We wanted to learn from the best," said Don Lemon to the 13 viewers of his new morning show. "We've reported some false stuff in the past and it's hurt us, even though those false stories were totally true. We've been mystified as to how Biden seems to be able to tell completely crazy fake stories and get away with it!"
"What's your secret, Mr. President?"
CNN has dispatched top reporters to learn how Biden got away with claiming to have marched for the Civil Rights struggle, being arrested while visiting Nelson Mandela in a South African prison and graduating top of his class in Law School, and scaring away Corn Pop with a chain. CNN's President Chris Licht says the organization "needs help in the credibility department," having just suffered its lowest ratings in 9 years, and that Biden is the only public figure who could be trusted with learning to get away with brazen misrepresentations.
At publishing time, Biden had also been approached about his outstanding technique of fabricating key details about his racial heritage, family history, educational history, and professional history by NY Rep. George Santos.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
