SAN FRANCISCO, CA — New Twitter CEO Elon Musk, in a bold and forceful statement against sharing harmful disinformation, has suspended one of the largest purveyors of fake news on the entire social network: The New York Times.
"Ever since 1904 when they declared people of color were an evolutionary 'missing link', and later in 1939 when they reported that Poland had invaded Nazi Germany, The New York Times has been one of the most insidious purveyors of harmful misinformation in our nation's history," said Musk while handing out pink slips to another 50 content moderators. "Today, this scourge on our country has finally been diminished on this platform."
Many historians and media experts applauded the shocking decision, largely agreeing that NYT was "the absolute worst," and that the United States would probably already have cured cancer and invented flying cars by now if not for the constant corrupting influence of the "newspaper of record." The editors of the paper, however, did not agree.
"We forcefully condemn this fascist far-right fascist Nazi fascist move to silence our fine newspaper on Twitter," said Editor-in-Chief Joe Kahn. "Doesn't Elon know who we are? We are the New York Times! How DARE he!"
At publishing time, the newspaper had published a scathing hit piece on Elon Musk but nobody saw it as they had been kicked off Twitter and no one reads newspapers anymore.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
