WORLD—After a century of hard-fought battles for equal rights, the feminist movement has finally achieved its ultimate goal of obliterating women's sports, relabeling mothers "birthing persons," and getting women drafted into the military.
"We are so proud of what we have achieved," said Mandy Chandrilla, a biological man who now identifies as a female feminist. "Women were so oppressed, and we realized there was really no way around it, so we just rendered the term 'woman' meaningless and effectively eliminated women as a meaningful category of human altogether. Hooray for feminism!"
Chandrilla then shotgunned a beer and crushed the can on her head in celebration.
According to experts, women can now enjoy soul-crushing corporate jobs, lose in sports to transgender heroes, get shot in battle, grow a mustache, and act as gender-neutral spawning bags for biologically male partners.
Women all over the world are thanking feminism for its tremendous achievement in eliminating inequality by turning them into men. "This is just what we wanted," said all the women everywhere. "Great job everyone!"