WASHINGTON, D.C. — The award for best costume at this year's Senate Halloween Social was all but a foregone conclusion, as all of Senator John Fetterman's colleagues almost unanimously recognized him on his outstanding Frankenstein costume.
"It's a totally perfect depiction," said Senator Chuck Schumer. "I literally thought Dr. Frankenstein's monster himself had walked into the Senate chamber. If I didn't already know John, I would have never thought he was actually a senator. He looks absolutely nothing like one."
Fetterman seemed unfazed by the adulation for his costume. "It's almost as if he didn't know what we were talking about when we told him his costume was great," said Lindsey Graham. "He just stared at us with this blank, glazed-over stare. Now that I think of it, that's the only facial expression I've ever seen him have. Uncanny resemblance."
Other senators commended Fetterman's commitment to the character. "It's more of a modernized version of Frankenstein since he's wearing a wrinkly suit jacket paired with basketball shorts, but he really nailed the whole ‘mindless, lumbering monster' theme," said Senator Ted Cruz. "He had us all mesmerized as he grunted, staggered, and stomped around the room. He really had us believing he was a reanimated, lobotomized corpse."
At publishing time, following a vote from all Senate members, Fetterman's Frankenstein costume had officially won the award of the night, beating out other contenders such as Elizabeth Warren's American Indian princess, Mitt Romney being dressed up as a conservative, and Mitch McConnell's convincing portrayal of a statue.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
