ESCONDIDO, CA — According to sources, local man Randy Rivera was disappointed to discover that wearing his favorite sports team's shirt apparently served as an open invitation for any random stranger to talk to him.
"Whoa! Are you a fan? I'm a fan! Who do you like for the playoffs? Better be our guys!" the stranger said, his demeanor displaying unsettling friendliness.
Rivera later confessed that he had no idea what to tell the man. "I have to wear something, might as well be a shirt with a design I like," he said. "I'm a big fan, and I love the team. But I don't want to talk to everyone I meet about them."
The stranger reportedly persisted, insisting that they exchange numbers so they could text each other GIFs of cool baseball plays and share their score for the daily Immaculate Grid. Rivera gave him a fake number.
Fashion experts say wearing a shirt identified with a sports team is an instant invitation to talk with anyone and everyone about your team's chances, and that if you refuse, it's a major faux pas. Because of this, it's recommended you avoid wearing rival team logos in Los Angeles, Baltimore, Philadelphia, and Chicago. In fact, Chicago residents are strongly discouraged from wearing any team shirts at all because both Cubs and White Sox fans will attack you without provocation.
At publishing time, Randy Rivera took off his shirt to avoid any further friendly conversations. Unfortunately, this was seen as an invitation by hobos to come and fight him.
Woke Jesus is back with a new collection of socialist teachings for your edification.
