U.S. — Facebook is currently undergoing a name change to bring its brand more in line with its sole remaining use: reminding people of upcoming birthdays. The new name, Keeping-Track-Of-People's-Birthdays-Book, was announced by Meta during a quarterly earnings call.
"People use Facebook because they've always used it. But no one's interacting with friends and loved ones on our horrible, clunky, ad-infested app, they're checking birthdays," Facebook founder and Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg explained. "Let's just call a spade a spade, okay?"
"Oh, hey, it's my mom's birthday!" he added before abruptly calling the call short.
In a survey of its users, Meta determined that everyone thought Facebook was a built-in calendar app on their phone and didn't know you could post pictures or comment on your day with it. "Wait, this is a social media network?" said one user who had been using the social media network for over ten years.
At publishing time, Meta announced it was renaming Instagram to Facebook-With-Extra-Steps-Gram.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
