Experts Say Controlling Toddler During Church Service Burns More Calories Than Going To Gym
Church · Jan 10, 2021 · BabylonBee.com

U.S. - After a nationwide three-year study, fitness experts revealed that trying to control a fussy toddler during a church service is more effective at burning calories than normal exercise at the gym. 

"Yeah, I think everyone who has ever tried to control a toddler in a church service already knew this," said fitness YouTuber Cruggs Bojanks. "This data pretty much confirms what we all knew to be true."

According to the study, trying to keep a little two-year-old bundle of depravity still during church burns more calories than jogging, swimming, weightlifting, skydiving, bear wrestling, and working in a Communist gulag. 

Experts are recommending that for improved fitness, everyone immediately have kids and take them to Sunday morning church -- combined with a balanced diet.

Theologians have also revealed that mothers who deal with fussy toddlers every Sunday will be granted an upgraded spa pass in heaven. 

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now