Experts: DeSantis Policies So Bad He's Now Infecting Record Numbers In California And New York

TALLAHASSEE, FL—According to experts, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis's COVID policies are so bad they are starting to cause skyrocketing COVID infection rates in leftist states.

"COVID is on the rise in New York and California," said Dr. Fauci. "I spoke with SCIENCE just this morning, and it told me that the real culprit here is Ron DeSantis."

Fauci and others revealed that the Florida governor's policies are so bad and permissive and hands-off that they have caused COVID to spike in Left-wing states, even though those states are obediently following the SCIENCE.

"This is just horrible," said Fauci. "Somehow, DeSantis has diabolically figured out how to reduce COVID rates in his state by giving his people freedom, which has the strange effect of infecting leftist states in record numbers. HE MUST BE STOPPED!" Fauci's eyes then rolled back into his head and he began uttering an ancient Sumerian tongue to find out what SCIENCE wanted next.

According to sources, most Floridians aren't aware of the latest frightening COVID numbers, as they are too busy outside having fun. 

In the social justice system, words are considered violence. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious attacks are members of an elite squad known as the Microaggression Victims Unit. These are their stories.

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