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Essential Oils For Men Now Available

U.S.—A new line of manlier essential oil scents is now available.

Including scents like bacon, V8 engine exhaust, freshly cut grass, and assault rifles, the new line of essential oils arrives just in time for Father's Day.

Developed by startup MLM BroTerra, the oils represent the first serious attempt to get men interested in the exciting world of all-natural oily remedies for all of life's tough situations.

"We know essential oils have been traditionally thought of as being for that one weird lady at your church," said BroTerra rep Chad Hapling. "We wanted men to be able to experience the healing, invigorating powers of oils by creating oil extracts they would be interested in, rather than lame, girly stuff like lavender, lemon, and hibiscus."

Check out the following full list of BroTerra oils available at launch:

  • Organic bacon grease
  • Fresh lawnmower clippings
  • Cuban cigars
  • Exhaust from an American muscle car
  • Freshly poured stout beer
  • Scent of just-fired assault rifle
  • Authentic buffalo wing extract
  • Sweat of an MMA fighter
  • Aroma of lumber aisle at Home Depot
  • Smell of a new Jordan Peterson book

You can, of course, mix the oils to achieve different effects, say representatives of BroTerra.

"Are you lacking the energy to mow the lawn? Just mix four parts lawnmower clippings and two parts MMA fighter, and you're good to go," a rep said. "Having trouble figuring out how to light the grill? Go with buffalo wing extract and bacon grease."

Expect men at your church to begin trying to sell these to you soon.

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