HEAVEN — The multitudes gathered in glory were hushed into an awkward silence today as a newly arrived Baptist man showed up in a suit even though everyone else in Heaven was wearing Hawaiian shirts and sandals.
The man had hoped to enter Heaven looking his best as an act of worship to the Lord but found himself feeling vastly overdressed after seeing everyone else dressed far more casually than you would have anticipated.
"Ah, you've got to be kidding me," the man sighed when he entered through the pearly gates and saw what appeared, based on everyone's attire, to be some sort of a lūʻau. "Everyone is here basking in the glory of God and this is how they dress? I thought for sure Heaven would have a tighter dress code than this. Looks like a slacker convention, if you ask me. Do they even read the KJV around here?"
The man attempted to find someone with some level of seniority to ask about the situation when he found the prophet Elijah. "Dude, just relax," Elijah was heard saying to the man. "We're all pretty chill around here. I traded my garment of animal hair and leather belt for this nice Tommy Bahama outfit. Every day is a breeze, brother. Just kick back and enjoy it. No ties needed."
Before the man could ask any other questions, Elijah shuffled off to join a game of cornhole with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.
At publishing time, the Baptist man had reportedly convinced himself to relax just a bit, going as far as to slightly loosen his necktie and unbutton the top button of his dress shirt.
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