NEW YORK, NY — In what is believed to be the company's most dangerous mission to date, Elon Musk ordered the SpaceX team to land a rover on the obscured surface of New York City. The mission, though risky, is intended to gather important data about the harsh, uninhabitable wasteland.
"Very little is known about what it's like on the surface," Musk said in a brief statement to the media announcing the landing. "Is the environment hospitable to humans? Are there life forms present? These are important questions we are hoping to answer."
While some scientists are eager to determine if the bleak, desolate landscape is capable of supporting human life, other experts are quick to make the argument that New York City has been uninhabitable for decades. "I don't care if the city is orange now, it's always been horrifying," said Dr. Kenneth Noisewater, an engineering consultant at SpaceX. "If the terrible air quality doesn't threaten your life, you'll probably get shot as soon as you step outside anyway."
Musk indicated the outcome of this rover landing could pave the way for more exploratory missions to New York City in the future. "We've seen evidence of fascinating creatures that may exist there," he said. "There may even be completely new subspecies of human beings trolling the empty, orange streets."
At publishing time, reports were already coming in that the rover had been mugged and had its wheels stolen.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.