CALIFORNIA — A 3.9-magnitude earthquake over the weekend caused thousands of Californians to pull up Twitter on their phones and post asking if anyone else felt the earthquake.
Unsure if what they felt was an earthquake, Californians rushed to be the first ones to post that they thought they might have felt there was an earthquake on Twitter.
"Was that an earthquake? I think it was an earthquake. Did anyone else feel the earthquake?" one woman asked those around her at Starbucks as she pulled out her phone to check Twitter, but a homeless man just threw a half-full Lemon-Lime Gatorade bottle at her. "I'm pretty sure it was an earthquake!"
"EARTHQUAKE!!!" posted one man in Eastvale excitedly. According to sources, he later admitted he was "kinda disappointed" that it wasn't that big. "Other states get tornadoes and hurricanes and exciting things like that, and we just get a slight vibration once in a while. It's like, hit us with something, you know? We can take it."
God has promised a much larger one is forthcoming.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
