CORINTH — Elders at the church in Corinth assembled their flock ahead of the Lord's day, excited to read a letter that had been delivered on behalf of the Apostle Paul. Church leadership was reportedly eager to have the contents of the letter read since it would probably say what a good job they were doing.
"Yeah, Paul totally loves us," Crispus, a church member, told the unidentified courier who had carried the letter all the way from Ephesus. "I just knew he'd write us. I'm pretty sure we're best friends. I mean, he baptized me himself! I'm not like one of those dweebs who got baptized by Apollos."
Theo, who is part of "Team Cephas", admits he's especially excited to hear what Paul thinks of their various clubs and cliques that divide the church up in fun ways. "We've gone to great lengths to encourage division so that each of us can worship God in our own way based on which teacher we follow," he said. "I bet Paul is super impressed."
The free-spirited congregation is also expecting high marks for how they aren't "super judgy" and didn't yell at Steve when he started sleeping with his father's wife because "that would have been mean."
"I guess you could say we've got this," said Gaius, a church member who was also baptized by Paul. "I think this letter is going to be a real morale booster."
At publishing time, some members of the Corinthian church were arguing that the letter must be a forgery because it was so rude.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.